Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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