My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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