I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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