I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I want to fling myself into the sun
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
