its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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