I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
