I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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