Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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