he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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