I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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