You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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