there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
