his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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