id be glad to
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Randomize
