U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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