I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
