she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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