I wish I could teleport
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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