Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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