Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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