ya dads aren't the best wingmen
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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