Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
