my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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