so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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