:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Everything about him screamed your future.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
