If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
