i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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