Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
