I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
