the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
