he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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