I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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