I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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