OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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