and next time when you feel me up, do it right
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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