Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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