if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
