"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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