I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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