mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
