the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
