Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
