It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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