What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
