You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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