she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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