thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
