i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
