i permit you to call me
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
