I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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