I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
What a dumb baby whore.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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