He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize