If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
