Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
