so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
