Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
