Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
