After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
