she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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