i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
