I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
