All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
