His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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