my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
