The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize