I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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