Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i will never coherently bang her
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
