My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If I had your ass I would rule the world
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
