Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
