i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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