dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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