watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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