But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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