I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
