I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
