So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
