oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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