Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
