im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
where am i from again
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
