I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
