How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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