you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
