just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
