Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
