My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize