he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize