We need to rekindle our bromance
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
