It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
