1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
