i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I want to make a zoo with you.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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