I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I have tasted many bathrooms
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
