grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
