She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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