i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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