Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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