my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
