I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
