Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
