So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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