I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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