Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
