I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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