I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
