I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
