you would pick up someone in the library
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
