At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
