Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
