Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
