6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
