I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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