never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
