So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
