There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
