I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
