I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
