you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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