Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i already hear my dad disowning me
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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